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Golf In My Own Words: Almost a Novel

March 5, 2018

I have many goals when it comes to golf and what I want to accomplish with this website. First off, I must thank my man Bobby Levine for giving me a chance to create content for A Seat at The Table. I plan to give you all golf, all the time. With that being said I want to bring it to you in an unorthodox way, not the run of the mill ‘gentlemanly’ bullshit you see day to day.

My plan is to try to connect the youth with golf in a humorous yet informative manner. To grow the game, we must get the young bloods involved. The older generation is already set in stone, either they hate it or love it and no twenty-five-year-old will change their stubborn mind.


First, I’ll give you a little background about me and my family as golfers. I swung my first real golf club at the age of three. It was a Ben Hogan 9 iron that was cut down so much that the grip pretty much took up the whole damn shaft. My Dad made it for me, a PGA pro at the time. He wasn’t actually on tour but did have his pro card. I come from a family of great golfers, in fact I’m the worst male in my Dad’s side of the family. I carry an 8 handicap. My Uncle Tom lives in Arizona and competes in circuits in the Phoenix area. Both my grandma and grandpa were at one point in time club champions at their courses back in North Carolina. So yeah, my family is pretty legit.


Now that I’ve bragged about my family I’ll give you a little history on myself. Like I said previously I started swinging a club at the age of three and took lessons regularly from my Dad. I joined a competitive junior league at the age of six and began by winning or placing in just about every tournament. When I was eight years old I went to the national finals for the Drive, Chip and Putt Challenge down in Orlando, Florida.


I had to qualify through Columbus, Ohio and regionals in Indianapolis, Indiana. I placed 8th overall and was actually disappointed in myself. Not to toot my own horn but toot toot mother truckers. I continued my success through about 5th grade. It was at that time that I started taking other sports seriously. I started playing travel baseball, soccer and basketball. I wanted to be a part of a team and do the things my friends were doing. I didn’t know anyone that played golf and honestly thought in my young 5th grade, self-conscious mind that it was a nerdy sport. Looking back, I wish I had the wherewithal to stick with golf because I feel like that could’ve been my calling.


Fast forward to my senior year of high school. I decided to give up basketball (my love at the time) and said what the hell I’ll try out for the golf team. I made the team as the number two golfer in tryouts and was named one of two captains. At this time, I hadn’t played competitive golf in nearly five years. The first tournament of the year came around it was Champions Golf Course. I changed my grips the night before the tournament, a horrible mistake as these grips made the weight of the club feel different to me. So, I tee up on the first hole with sweat running down my leg because not only was it my first tournament in five years but I could hit water if I fell out of a boat in my warmup session at the range.


Ironically, I found water on my first tee shot of the day. What a way to start. To keep this horror story short, I shot the absolute worst round of my life, no joke. At one point I had lost all but two golf balls and debated golf suicide, hitting the next two out of bounds just so I could end my misery and not have to post a final score. With the proverbial gun to my head my pride got in the way and knew that I couldn’t live with myself if I hit them out on purpose. I said to myself “Shit, I’ll lose these damn things fair and square.” I talked to my coach when I saw him and told him I was just about out and I would be disqualified. This guy illegally finds like 6 balls (probably my previously lost balls) and gives them to me. Well I didn’t lose all of them and fired a 114! Yeah you read that right 114! I hadn’t shot over a 95 since I was twelve years old. I learned a valuable lesson that day, golf is a game of synchronicity between the mind and body. And while yes both my mind and body were present, they were playing tug of war with each other.


There you have it folks golf isn’t all gumdrops and candy canes. It can be the most rewarding and the most frustrating game you’ve ever played. My friend actually summed it up in on short phrase, Golf is a game of beautiful fuck ups. No truer words have ever been spoken when referring to the game of golf. It’s true that your mind messes up more shots than your body. It’s also true that the ball rarely goes exactly where you want it to but you can still post a good score.


Look at it this way if every shot you hit was a hole in one you’d lose interest. You have to hit a few into the woods and water to make the great shots feel special. Golf is more a game of mental fortitude and strategy than physical prowess. Golf is the great equalizer in sports. You can look at two athletes side by side in most other sports and tell just by their makeup who the better athlete is. Golf is the opposite any average joe looking guy with a slight beer belly can take on and beat a man that has the body of Russell Westbrook.


If you’ve made it this far you must really have no life. I’m kidding keep on reading as my first and hopefully last ever novel unfolds. In the future I intend to have much shorter articles, but this is the introduction and you need to know what I’m about. You can see that I don’t take myself too seriously and neither should you. Golf is supposed to be fun and that’s what I intend to bring. I will be doing golf course reviews of courses in the Columbus, Ohio area and anytime I travel. I am in Phoenix as I type this and will be playing the Grand Canyon University’s course later this week. Stay tuned for the review.


I will also be doing pretty much anything that I can think of when it comes to golf such as tips, funny golf stories, course reviews (as stated above), hopefully some interviews with up and coming golfers and maybe someday professional golfers. Like I stated 141 pages ago I want to bring the younger generation to the game. It’s never too late to start, just know it’s a long windy, pothole infested road that you’ll be delving into. I can promise you this though, once you learn to navigate the road and control your emotions the game is extremely addicting.



Scientific studies say that golf is just as addicting as heroin, it’s in the Geneva Convention look it up (a little step brothers reference for the true G’s). But in all seriousness, nothing is better than hitting a golf ball on the sweet spot and not knowing if you actually hit the ball because it comes off of the club so softly, best feeling in the world. Seeing physical proof of your game consistently improving is a close second.


Lastly, thanks to anyone who has read this whole thing and stay tuned for much, much shorter articles. I haven’t written something this long since my early college days, granted they were all early college days as I took the Kanye West approach. Again, thanks for reading and follow the_golffathers on Instagram! It’s my new page where I will be posting videos with two of my best friends. If you follow I am Dan Corrleone on the page. It’s also a page for the humorous side of golf along with many other things we plan to do with the page beginning very shortly! So, come join the family now before you get whacked. Take it easy my friends and tee it high and let it fly!

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